dancing in a burning building
capitalism death dreams and what we do thru the process
dancing in a burning structure
capitalism death dreams
and what we do thru the process ~
a beast that must be slayed by many dies a slow and gruesome death. slayers are killed in the process. we mourn our dead as we continue to grow up and around the crumbling beast. the best slay is perhaps growing conditions incompatible with its existence. death by stagnation…obsoletion. and yet growth does not happen at once. it is a process of unwinding and discovery, recycling and rebirth.
if there are limited routes to exiting a burning building, or if the whole block is on fire and the floor is lava, might we dance our way thru the crumble? shifting feet for unsolid ground. could we be scrappy* enough to thrive our way thru the slow dissolution? to be building and dreaming what will become of us when the land is ripe and the ground is fertile?
conditions are always changing. there was a huge pull away from capitalist ideas, models, and behavior at the beginning of quarantine in 2020. communal networks of care sprung up: anarchist knowledge sharing, outdoor group meetups in nature (grounding, earthing, processing together), collective activated rebellions, creative rituals of connection across distance and levels of need/intimacy, resource sharing, mutual aid circulation, investing in art/healing/knowledge, increased interest in material skill-building/-sharing.
as pendulums do swing in the earth realm of polarities, we are now in a period of valuation of aesthetic, entertainment, body-based connection, more-for-your-money vibes*. it is a natural shift (response) that accompanies exaggerated, trickle-up inflation and the hunger for social, material comfort. it is a push back from late-stage capitalism — dangling its glitter, reinforcing scarcity, promising relief as reward, busying our senses. of course, with this pushback comes a heightened reinforcement of white-supremacist capitalist patriarchal values. this is affecting us globally on macro- and micro-cosmic levels: international, ‘national’, community, interpersonal, and personal matters. for example the forced drought and skyrocketing prices of the housing markets all over the states. other examples are the reinvestment in destructive climate practices on a global scale…the waging of war for further dominance and resource extraction…the lobbying of corporations who are beyond (and supported by) the law to reiterate and grow their profit-driven, exploitative approaches. the pendulum swing is gruesome.
and yet if there is no problem then there is nothing to solve for*. nothing to grow into. might disharmonies simply be effective constriction, an invitation to creative growth? this is not to belittle their wildfire and traumatizing effects, but to find a point of agency in the collapse. can we prioritize pleasure in the revolution? as pleasure activism* posits ~ without pleasure we can not hope to survive this. not without becoming fractions, shells of ourselves. finding pleasure within the burn may well be the only fuel we will find for the rebuild. the food for our future.
after quitting my capitalist ‘marketplace approved’ jobs 7 years ago i committed to only work for myself and figure out how to make it work. my body was breaking under the capitalist weight and expectations. and i felt my life expectancy shortening, burnout becoming my personality.
my own pendulum swung. i was committed to living into the future i dream of as if it is a reality now. i stuck to this vision so hard, sometimes in neglect of present conditions and necessities. i felt determined and headstrong. then with this latest collective swing away from monetarily valuing the things i offer, i felt the need to get in the burning building. i was starving out on the fields of dreams, calling out to ones who could not feel lush futures as a possible or present reality. and for good reason, our matereality is reinforcing scarcity hard. ramping up in its aggression. i was in avoidance of this occurrence, in denial. till i could be no longer.
i recently took a job in the service industry again. lolll. externally it feels regressive. actually it feels nostalgic. like playing a video game i was rly good at as a kid. like hopping back up on a bicycle. whereas before i was so desperate to get far away from trading hours of my life for dollars, after hustling my art/practice for years in uncertainty it feels like a relief. to show up, execute, receive. it helps that i only do this a few times a week and still have space to pursue my businesses. even more space when i’m not pressuring them to exist and thrive within the shakiness of a dying capitalism and very confused/overwhelmed collective values and priorities.
so i indulge the beast, undermine and subvert where i can, find pleasure where i must. continue to show up for the communities and realities that i believe in. to invest and reinvest in our desired futures everyday are our most important reality shifting moves. i am here. i am also tending to being here. in the dying beast of a building, with my comrades, making the best of what we have, building the best of what we can imagine, feeling ourselves all the way thru.
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*scrappy can mean stealing rest, indulging slowness, relishing pleasure, especially in the face of systems which devalue and obstruct these things.
*i first noticed this shift in a thematic way after it was succinctly shared by Mandy Harris Williams here.
*if there is no problem than there is nothing to solve for is wording from wordsmith, soothsayer extrordinaire Sanyu Estelle.
*pleasure activism is a book and movement originating from adrianne maree brown
